I'm tired of a few things.

1. Allergies
2. Allergies
3. Allergies
4. Waiting to restore my files to my computer so that I can use Microsoft Word, Mail, read blogs again, do tabbed browsing in Safari…
5. Allergies
6. My canker sore
7. This little finger print crack on my thumb. I broke down and put a band-aid on it.
8. Allergies
9. Foot pain
10. Allergies

Yesterday I was okay when I was inside but as soon as I stepped outside I could feel it in my eyes. It’s just weird to be walking around with all these people who are (seem to be) operating normally and in a world where the outdoors doesn’t hurt. For one thing, they all walk really slow.

The woman I rent my apartment from sent me an e-mail that was kind of touching. She said she came to Paris in her 20s and big cities were more important to her then than nature. Except that I miss the outdoors here as much, maybe more, than I would if I were in rainy northern France. We get all these beautiful, warm, sunny days, and it just makes me feel like crap. Going outside to “enjoy” it would be insane. What I really need is rain. It’s so dry out that I worry that the mountain cedar will never actually die but instead pollenate year-round. I can’t say it was a mistake to move here, since the program is right for me. But I do think it would be just stupid to put myself through another year of this. I’m running out of energy to even be angry about it. (And I am. Angry.)

Btw am v. happy Sean Penn won for Milk. That movie made me cry. Also, heart Kate Winslet very much. But I thought Mickey Rourke would probably win.

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