If you read my blog enough you’re probably aware that I can be ridiculously nostalgic. It doesn’t help that I’ve moved cities every year since college. But it’s not even that I want old times back. It’s more that I really can’t believe they’re gone, like it’s unnatural that time passes like it does.
I’m saying this because I’m typing as my train leaves from the Gare de Lyon for Avignon to see Zandra and something is making me really sad but I don’t know what. Trains are the worst for me. I love them and look forward to them but I’m entirely too self-reflective in them. I’ve had a really nice weekend with A (otherwise known as bike-ride boy), C (another ex-student of mine), and friends of A’s in Paris. Friday night I went out with the colocs and two of their friends to a new wine/beer store/cave in Poitiers (I still do not like French beer). Last night in Paris we went to eat dinner, see a comedy, and then get relativement bourrés in a couple of bars. A’s friends were really nice and a couple of them seriously cute. We all ended up crashing around 4:30 am (changement d’horaires already accounted for) and I’m not really sure how I made it because I woke up at 7 am yesterday after sleeping really lightly. Earlier A took me to a store of random stuff (seriously–NorthFace jackets and luggage, Fruit of the Loom stuff, cowboy boots, Wranglers, magnets, etc) where an Australian girl overheard me saying I’d had my medical exam for immigration and struck up a conversation with us. She was super cute and super friendly, I wanted to put her in my pocket and take her home with me. Or just be friends with her. Her accent (in French) was really charming. I always feel bad about still having an accent in French and would rather not, but having heard hers, I think maybe I can live with it. Today we didn’t do much of anything. C, A, and I caught up on Grey’s Anatomy. There was a brocante in A’s street today and the weather was really nice–standing out on his balcony watching with C as she smoked really did not inspire me to leave.
C is not a student whom I knew at all when I was teaching in Reims. She was gone for a while on an exchange and then either didn’t come much to class or didn’t talk much when she was there. But I really liked her this weekend, and it makes me glad that I’m no longer teaching these people and can finally be friends with them no holds barred.
I’m quite happy in Poitiers but leaving Paris is surprisingly hard and I’m wondering why. Here I am going to see Zandra who I adore and is always on the top of my list of people I miss (moving every year makes this a long list) and I wish I were staying here a little longer, or maybe indefinitely. It’s not that I love Paris. I’m not sure what it is. I wish I were always surrounded by the friends I love rather than spending my free days traveling between them. Maybe it’s this feeling too.
Sigh. I want to move to Boston (or maybe somewhere in France), find a high school job, move in with a boy, and be surrounded by the people I love all the time. Is this dream out of the question?