J was very clear with me when we were deciding whether or not to get married: if we got married, he wanted it all. There would be no little lunch in a restaurant after city hall. No barbecue at our house with cookies baked in the kitchen. No cold buffet. Not even a hot buffet. Buffets completely banished really.
No, this will be a wedding with a five-course meal, a dance party, a vin d’honneur with the whole village (okay, not the whole village… just everyone we know).
So I said okay. After all, I’ve actually never been to a French wedding, and I like new cultural experiences. And I knew there were things I wouldn’t go all out on: the dress, the rings (we’re not even sure we will have them), the pre-wedding parties.
The only thing really important to me is to be able to celebrate with the people we love.
So there’s the hiccup. Who are the people you love when you left your home country five (or seven, depending how you count) years ago and most of your American friends have never even MET your boyfriend?
GAH. I am having a hard time with it. I would really like to invite my college friends—but there are so few that I actually exchange e-mails with anymore! Yet these were people I loved and laughed with for four very formative years. Not inviting them practically admits the friendships are over and cuts off a good opportunity to renew.
I think and think and think about this. Honestly to really decide, we need an estimate from the caterer, and I have designated J to do that, since he cares more than me about food. So we’ll see how speedily he gets on that (my bet’s on NOT AT ALL.)* But who’s to say that these friends will even come? Would I spend $1000 to go to the wedding of someone I hear from maybe once a year, but who I basically grew into adulthood with? I DON’T KNOW.
(The answer is technically probably not because most people don’t get married during French school vacations. But not everyone is a teacher.)
*J hates making professional phone calls and always prefers that I do it even though he is the native French speaker.