Baby Blues

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These bunnies are not blue (well one of them sort of is, literally).

The hormonal let down a few days after childbirth is known as baby blues. It hit me hard several times, and looking back on it now at 24 days it surprises me how sad things made me that I just don’t care much about now.

  1. Nostalgia for my pregnancy: My tummy got flat fast, like within a week, though it’s still very soft (I know, I’m lucky). Yet I found myself missing my pregnant tummy, and missing Paddy being inside it. Silly right? There was something really touching to me about that time that was over, when I knew how to take care of him and protect him and he was a part of me. That feeling lasted a good week and now I couldn’t care less—bring on the stinky cheeses and poorly washed vegetables, I say!
  2. Worry that I wasn’t enjoying the baby: This was the first round of baby blues and in retrospect it doesn’t make much sense to me. Fortunately the midwife set me straight. I was surprised at all the stress over whether he would eat, if he would eat enough, and if he would then go to sleep afterward. Paddy is eating pretty well now (though almost exclusively with a nipple shield) so that stress is over, but the not knowing whether he’ll go to sleep just seems like a part of life now (much more annoying at night or when I want to take a shower of course).
  3. Grief for my life as I knew it being over: This one hit me hard one day as well. I was holding Paddy in my arms after a feed waiting for him to fall asleep and I started crying, thinking that my life was now going to consist entirely of this. It’s not that I now don’t think my life has changed completely—I just don’t really mind, and certainly not to the point of crying. Of course maybe I’ve now jinxed myself and I’ll be in tears again about it tomorrow.

Hormones are weird, y’all.

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7 thoughts on “Baby Blues

  1. Yep – hormones plus exhaustion make for some crazy moments! I’m glad to hear that feeding is going well. As for sleep – 5 months down the line and that one is still confusing me!

    • It’s funny how even though I knew it was mostly hormones I still thought I was going to be sad about this stuff for a long time! And I did cry once from pure exhaustion… that one worried me a lot less though. As for feeding, the midwife would really like me to stop using the nipple shield but all of our efforts are really frustrating so I’ve decided to stop pressuring us on that one.

  2. Thank you for sharing this with us. Point #3 is something that I think a lot about even though there’s no baby to speak of. I know it would change in good ways, but it’s also hard not to think, “If we had a baby, we couldn’t do this.” or “This would be more difficult to do.”

    • Yeah that is definitely true… though to be honest those are thoughts I also had about getting a dog. So we did the baby first and I imagine we’ll get a dog when the kid is older and those constraints will already be there anyway.

      • Yeah, we definitely have far fewer freedoms with the dogs. Though at least they don’t (usually) need a babysitter. When we first got Elliot, I still thought that I would never want a child. Boy have things changed!

  3. I missed my belly so much too! I missed feeling it, and him moving around…Just as you get used to it, and have figured out how to dress it… all over! It’s that transfer from internal, all about you to external, never about you, haha.

    And I think adjusting your expectations for what life “is” now helps with the last one. Life is different now, and it’s okay. Every day will be different, and that’s okay too!

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