The hormonal let down a few days after childbirth is known as baby blues. It hit me hard several times, and looking back on it now at 24 days it surprises me how sad things made me that I just don’t care much about now.
- Nostalgia for my pregnancy: My tummy got flat fast, like within a week, though it’s still very soft (I know, I’m lucky). Yet I found myself missing my pregnant tummy, and missing Paddy being inside it. Silly right? There was something really touching to me about that time that was over, when I knew how to take care of him and protect him and he was a part of me. That feeling lasted a good week and now I couldn’t care less—bring on the stinky cheeses and poorly washed vegetables, I say!
- Worry that I wasn’t enjoying the baby: This was the first round of baby blues and in retrospect it doesn’t make much sense to me. Fortunately the midwife set me straight. I was surprised at all the stress over whether he would eat, if he would eat enough, and if he would then go to sleep afterward. Paddy is eating pretty well now (though almost exclusively with a nipple shield) so that stress is over, but the not knowing whether he’ll go to sleep just seems like a part of life now (much more annoying at night or when I want to take a shower of course).
- Grief for my life as I knew it being over: This one hit me hard one day as well. I was holding Paddy in my arms after a feed waiting for him to fall asleep and I started crying, thinking that my life was now going to consist entirely of this. It’s not that I now don’t think my life has changed completely—I just don’t really mind, and certainly not to the point of crying. Of course maybe I’ve now jinxed myself and I’ll be in tears again about it tomorrow.
Hormones are weird, y’all.