I’m now in countdown mode to the end of my maternity leave. Littlest has his adaptation days at the nounou’s next week so I’ve been preparing everything she’ll need for him. I feel so absolutely torn about going back and it fits in with all the other paradoxes I’ve discovered about being a mom:
- I feel relieved when he goes down for a nap and I get some free time. And then I spend it all looking at pictures of him.
- I get so excited about Papa coming home and being able to hand him off. Then I find I’m not always totally comfortable with how Papa takes care of him (do not tell Papa, he doesn’t need to know this, obviously).
- I get so excited about social interaction with other people by the time the weekend comes around. Then I find myself stressing about how he’s out of his normal routine and things are so much simpler when it’s just the two of us.
So I feel so sad that all these little moments between just the two of us will be reduced to one day a week and vacations. He fell asleep on my shoulder the other day after nursing and his little breathing noises were SO CUTE. And I found myself thinking during his 9 am diaper change, when he’s all smiley and starting his day, about how much I’ll miss that.
But I’m also so relieved I won’t be constantly responsible for him anymore and my life will consist of more than diapers and nursing.
That said, I do wish he would start waking only once per night instead of twice. And I’m dealing with some unfair insomnia in that I can’t always fall back asleep after his first night feeding (but can after a second one).
For better or for worse, it has to end. Fortunately two of my classes are on a trip the week I go back so I’ll have some breathing time to really get back into things and prepare for the following week.
Anyway, here’s some stuff I’ve read over the past few weeks:
Rob Delaney: I revered Carrie Fisher until I met her. Then I loved her. Definitely check out Catastrophe for some good stuff from Carrie Fisher.
Every British swear word has been ranked in order of offensiveness: If I were still teaching college students I might consider giving them this list, because it’s a major pet peeve of mine when English learners go straight to the “worst” swear words before they have any mastery of them at all.
Well, baby’s waking up, so that’s all for now.